About six years ago, I wrote a post about slow play on the PGA Tour. That list of excuses Diaz put together is really quaint, isn’t it?
This year the Tour promises it is finally going to do something about slow play, yes sir, they’re really going to get tough.
Here’s what an unnamed Tour player thinks could be done. It’s pretty honest, and funny.
And here’s the middling opinion.
What I think they need to do is:
– Hand out one-stroke penalties. That’s a good one. Keep that.
– Dump the fines, or make them huge.
– Publish the list of slow players.
– Give no warnings. They KNOW what the time limit is for hitting a shot, and they KNOW they’re taking more time than that, so there is no need to warn them they are being slow. Warnings are like saying, “OK, we’re putting you on notice that the next time you hit the ball out of bounds we will give you a stroke and distance penalty.”
– Have a timing official with an air horn follow the group with a slow player, such official to sound one long blast at the 60-second mark. Not only will that get the offending player’s attention, it will get the attention of every other player on the course. Not to mention the gallery following the player. Point made.
– I am also thinking that Gary McCord in a clown suit would run out to give the offending player a pie in the face, but that might get ugly.
But you know, it’s professional golf, which affects my golf game about as much as NASCAR racing does, and which I care about just as much. Which, with no offense to you NASCAR enthusiasts, ain’t much.
My solution if I were playing on the Tour? I would bring a book and make no bones about reading it while I was waiting for a slowpoke I got paired with to hit his shot. It would be a masterful passive-aggressive statement, especially if my group was on television. War and Peace would be a good choice.