Insane distance from the tee

Several weeks ago I wrote in this space about not getting lured in by golf magazines that promise you more distance if you just follow their recycled tip. Two weeks later, I still believe that.

But if you have something to say on the subject, I’ll listen.

So the day before yesterday I was in our local library looking over the magazines people leave to be taken, free. I always look for golf magazines, of course. There was only one and I picked it up and read the banner across the top of the cover. “217 ways to add 15 yards,” it averred.

Doing some quick math, I figured that if there were 217 tips and I did all of them I could hit the ball 3,255 yards. That means if I can get the up and down (don’t expect to hit the green from that distance) I could play the front nine in 3.

Once I thought if I followed every mileage tip I could find that said I could raise my mileage by 2-3 mpg I’d get about 78 mpg. Didn’t work out, though.

Do you ever see the articles that say, “Add fifty yards to your drives”? Read the tip. The only way you could get fifty more yards by doing that is if you only hit your driver 125 to begin with.

Well, with 217 ways to add 15 yards, I figured at least one of them would resonate. The problem was that I couldn’t find them. I studied every page of the magazine, including the ad for a sleeping compound with the full page of fine print on the back warning you that one of the side effects of taking a sleeping medication is drowsiness. Really. It said that.

I did find four distance tips, though. They were on a two-page spread saying that if you sped up your swing you would hit the ball farther. Made sense. And there are four ways to do that. Good start, but I never could find the next 213.

Maybe you take those four tips to the range and hit fifty-three balls with each one, and use the 213th ball to celebrate finding the method that works best.

I don’t know. Maybe they just wanted me to buy the magazine. Do you think?


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